


War on Christmas

by Nelja-in-English (Nelja)



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, Flirting, Gen, Humor, Killer Santa, Minor Violence, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 08:33:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17117993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nelja/pseuds/Nelja-in-English
Summary: Basira and Daisy have Section 31 work for Christmas.





	War on Christmas

Daisy hated her life.

She had planned to spend her Christmas evening watching _Love Actually_ , and now some stupid asshole had called the Police about a Santa with an axe. And because a good-for-nothing administrative had decided that Santa was a Section 31 problem. Of course. Lazy ass.

If it was a human making a bad joke, Daisy would kick him in the balls. And if it was a human actually trying to kill someone in a Santa disguise... well she would kick him in the balls too. That was a good decision. That way she could kick first and ask question later, when she was in a better mood.

"Doesn't it bother you," she asked her new partner, "that we've probably been sent on a mission tonight for nothing?"

"Not really Christian, you've probably have noticed," Basira answered, smiling. "To me it's a work night like any other, except, holiday pay."

Daisy couldn't help herself, she briefly laughed. Basira was a cool one.

"Can I ask what your stance is on fighting Santa?" 

"Seems original. Never done it. Teach me, partner."

Daisy decided she hated her life a little less.

They entered the abandoned mall. It was creepy. That was not a good sign. In creepy places, people tended to imagine things that didn't exist. No Santa with an axe meant nothing to punch, kick, or shoot. She hoped, at least.

Then she saw it. It was an old plastic mannequin, with a red suit and a false beard that had seen better days. And yes, it had an axe in hand. So, this was the thing that spoiled her holiday!

Daisy ran to it in anger and kicked it in the... it was a mannequin, so in the lower stomach. It broke in two halves, the legs still attached to the floor, the torso, arms, and dirty beard on the floor.

"OK, let's investigate to see if there's a real one," she said, turning towards Basira. "You never know."

Basira looked at her in shock. Daisy wondered what she had done to deserve such a reaction, but she hoped it was good shock.

Then Basira brandished her truncheon, and okay, it was hot, but a bit too much. She threw it, and Daisy looked behind her.

The Santa had been crawling towards her on one hand, the axe in the other - before Basira had managed to make it drop.

"You're not playing fair!" it complained with a horrible, artificially cheery voice. "I'm meant to move just a bit at first, to make you afraid! Humans don't attack first! It's not your thing!"

Daisy looked at Basira. Basira nodded. She went to pick up her truncheon, and threw the axe to Daisy. Then they made a bit of mashed Santa. A seasonal activity.

"That was educational." Basira commented. "Is it always like this?" 

"I wish they'd always confess so easily. We'd save time. Hey, official reports can wait for tomorrow. Want to go at mine and see _Love Actually_?"

Basira looked at her as if she had grown as second head. Daisy felt obligated to explain. "Yes, I know it's late and we missed the broadcasting. But that was my plan, and I have the DVD."

"Is that a codeword I don't know?"

Daisy almost blushed. But she had a reputation of Hard Badass to maintain.

"It can be if you want," she said. That was not badass. That was the corniest thing she had ever said, and just because her partner was cute!

Basira laughed. In the end, it was just a movie, this time. It was enough.

* * *

Elias Bouchard, director of the Magnus Institute, put the final point to the letter he was writing.

"To Nikola Orsinov, to be sent by Breekon & Hope deliveries,

“I cannot emphasize enough that Santa belongs to us. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good. That's the whole point of the character.

“I've given an anonymous tip to the Police concerning your pathetic attempt at using mall Santas for your own aims, and I will do so again if needed. You can't win this one.

“Have an awful Christmas. I certainly won’t invite you.

“As they say, you better watch out."


End file.
